The completely unfiltered diary of a 23-year-old (week 53)
I just spent the past three hours, probably, fawning over Johnny Depp. Damn, his stuff is great.
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I’ve moved on to Tom Hiddleston. My whole YouTube feed and suggestions are now filled entirely with famous people. I’m screwed.
Also, I suddenly have a real urge to learn dance. I can’t dance for crap but dancing in my room where no one’s watching gives me so much joy. Plus, it’s a good workout.
I’ve tried (briefly) before to learn some electro swing dance steps. They were hard. I tried again today — with socks. Makes a world of difference. But I still suck.
Who cares though. It’s a ton of fun, it really is.
Plus, it was slightly inspired (ok, very much inspired) by a clip of Tom Hiddleston dancing.
I am such a simp.
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Getting this Fitbit has brought such a huge positive change to my life. Ok, that might be slightly exaggerated, but I really haven’t been this consistently active for a long time. It’s great. It’s also only been maybe two weeks, so hopefully it lasts.
The great thing about dancing — or at least, trying to dance — is that it’s not just fun but also a good workout.
The bad thing about working out consistently though, is that you have a ton of laundry to do. Especially in a country as hot as this. I literally just got out of the shower and sat down in front of a fan that’s on full blast, and I already feel sticky.
Yikes.
Anyway. Some notes on my social life (because you totally asked for it). Kay asked me out this weekend, and for that I’m really glad because I had zero plans, and was a little upset about that. I am meeting Gia this week for a meal though, since she’s leaving soon. I really wish I could go with her. I’m kind of jealous that she gets to travel, but at the same time, I would hate to go somewhere on my own for just a few months when I don’t know anyone there. But she’ll be fine. She’s not entirely alone at all; she’s got family there.
She’s been my go-to hangout buddy these few months though. Guess I’ll have to learn to be less clingy. And look at me making this all about myself. I’m such a selfish fucker. But yeah, maybe I’ll again reach the point of such boredom I finally give few enough shits and just go do stuff I want to do on my own.
I really wanna learn to dance. Not necessarily through classes, but maybe that’s the easiest way. It could be something Cher/Shelly would be interested in too. I’ll ask them at some point.
It’s interesting how now that I have a paycheck, I’m much more open to taking classes. Though it does suck that they’re not free like classes were back in college. Though, again, those actually weren’t free since you were supposed to pay tuition. Hm. I guess it works out then.
I also deleted my dating app. I really wasn’t using it properly anyway. And now when I’m bored I find myself reflexively scrolling to where the app used to be, and then realizing, oh, yeah, it’s gone.
Oh and, I went on a hike solo over the weekend. I was just that bored and really wanted to get out. And, there was some motivation from the Fitbit too (see, total life changer). It was the first time I’d done that, at least in my own country. Maybe overseas too. I don’t recall. Well, it wasn’t really a hike, maybe just a long walk, but that’s essentially what a hike is, no?
It was nice. I just felt self-conscious, and therein is my problem. There’s so many things I want to do that I can do alone, but I hate doing things alone. Or rather, I hate being seen doing things alone. I’m perfectly fine dancing badly in my room (though it would be hella fun to have someone with me). But yeah. If someone I knew had seen me hiking solo, I would’ve been terrified that they’d think I’m weird.
Which is not far from the truth, but still. Lol.
I guess I’m terrified of people thinking I have no friends. Although I guess I don’t have that many. Ok, no. I have a good number of friends. I just gotta get over this insecurity about being alone.
There’s really nothing wrong with that.
Tom Hiddleston eats alone in cafes every once in a while (yes, we’re going full circle here.) In fact, I’m sure most celebs have to do things alone most of the time, because where the hell are they going to find new, genuine friends that they can ask out for meals on the fly?
Everyone spends time alone. Does things alone. You just don’t always see it.
It must be because we’ve evolved as social creatures that we hate being seen alone. It’s probably a sign of weakness or some shit.
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I just devoured the head of a dinosaur. Fear me.
Yeah, I just bought a pack of these for the first time.
They’re pretty good.
xo,
Amber
