The completely unfiltered diary of a 23-year-old (week 38)
Turns out adding a space doesn’t give you an extra blank line either. Oh well. You’d have to do something like,
.
this. Adding a period or something.
Or maybe I’ll just leave it. By the way, since I’ve never explicitly stated this, the “ — ” lines between paragraphs are when I start writing on a new day/in a new session.
—
I’ve officially done maybe half a day’s work this entire week. It’s Friday afternoon now. Alright, gonna try to bump that up to “I’ve officially done one day’s worth of work this entire week” and actually get some stuff done this afternoon.
I also realized, its relatively common that people say things like this — unless they work as doctors. Doctors will never tell you they did nothing at work. It’s impossible.
Speaking of doctors, turns out my follow-up appointment with the doctor is scheduled for tomorrow. Time flies. I think it’ll be fine, and I’m a little lazy to go, but hey, better to be safe. It’s covered by insurance anyway (thank goodness, or I’d probably not go).
—
This is insane. The new book I’m editing for my side hustle is a love story between a guy named Marc and a girl named Emma. Now, this wouldn’t be an issue at all, except that just yesterday I’d decided to spend some time cleaning up my room, and came across my old journal. And right there, in the first page (right after the pleasantries of “This is a new journal! My friend gave me this book!” And side note, it’s a pretty nice book, so of course someone had given it to me, because I never bought stuff back then, let alone nice stuff.) Ok yes, right there in the first page, was me going on and on about how Marc is, and I quote directly from my journal, “really damn good looking ok.” I’d actually completely forgotten about this guy (he was a year above us in high school, and we were in the same extracurricular). But damn, he really was cute, and seemed like a nice guy too. Plus, based on what I wrote, he probably liked me but I was too dense/averse to having a relationship to notice.
He’s really inactive on social media too, so I don’t really know if he has a girlfriend. He had one, four years ago, and they were still together two years ago (that was the last time he posted something), but I don’t know about now. Wow, I’m a complete creep.
It really wouldn’t be so bad, because honestly I barely know the guy (which often makes it easier to think they’re more attractive than they really are), but every time I see the name “Marc” on this book now, it just bugs me. Goddammit LOL. Ok. Focus.
*Barely twenty minutes later*
Nope. This is not working. Every time I see the word “Marc” I think of the Marc I knew, which is crazy. This would be justified maybe if he was actually an ex, but I barely knew the guy. He was just cute.
Goodness, is this a symptom of being a single 23-year-old girl who’s never had a boyfriend??
What a drag.
—
I think I made Lyza cry. I’m an asshole.
Although I still don’t think I’m wrong. One part of the conversation was something about how when she hangs out with friends she wants to talk about how she feels about things, and then I said, “Am I just supposed to agree with everything?” And she replied “yes”, and although maybe it was somewhat jokingly, you could tell it was also semi-serious. And I’m just like, hell, I really don’t agree with a lot of stuff she says (what I said out loud was more like, “But what if I don’t agree with something?”). It just sounds like a ton of complaining and doing zilch about it. And yes, that’s totally fine if it’s not something you do often (everyone needs to rant at some point), but hell, if it’s every time, and there’s no action afterwards, what the hell is the point.
She’s just really insecure though, I think (with my less-than-amateur psychoanalysis), and I worry that that’s gonna hit her really hard. And though I guess I’m really upfront and blunt about it, and that’s on me, I should’ve been less harsh maybe (although I wasn’t even scolding..?). Ok, maybe less blunt. Gosh. Yeah, I could’ve worked on the delivery, but maybe it’ll do her good in the long run. Maybe she’ll think about it and grow the hell up.
Wow I’m a condescending prick.
I feel bad for making her feel bad, but I honestly think she whines too much. But maybe she wasn’t in the right headspace to receive that “feedback” just then.
Ah well. She’ll get over it. And I’ll still be there for her.
…
This must be why I have no friends.
—
I’m meeting up with Sam (new name, will add him to the list) and Gia tomorrow. Pretty excited for good food and good company!! And just easy, straightforward, chill night with friends. I’m so done with having to think so much when it comes to friends.
Also finally bought Microsoft Office. For fifty bucks. It’s supposed to cost like two-hundred, but I bought it online. Could be fake, but it works, for now at least. If it’s fake, I guess I’m the sucker for not just buying a cracked key.
Lyza hasn’t replied me for a day and I’m just kinda like… If I text her, it could be pushy/stressful, if I don’t text her, it could seem like I don’t care. But oh well. I already took the initiative to text yesterday, so ball’s in her court now once she’s over it. Maybe she already is. We’re meeting on the weekend anyway, so things should be sorted then.
Also, I’m almost done with that Marc story, and thank goodness, by the time I was halfway through, the author had done a good enough job of characterizing Marc that I no longer linked the character with the actual Marc I knew.
It’s also midnight and I’m craving for snacks. And there aren’t any. It’s probably a good thing.
xo,
Amber
