The completely unfiltered diary of a 23-year-old (week 19)

Every time Monday evenings comes around, I find myself wondering…how in the heck is it still only Monday??

I recently installed a thing on this laptop that reminds you to take an eye break every 10 minutes. and those 10 minutes really fly by without you knowing. It’s crazy.

The US elections have been called. We’ll see how the next four years go. There’s a huge divide to fix, but I have hope. And anyway, the US isn’t the only country to care about, lol.

In other news, Gia asked me for an impromptu dinner so that was nice. (Reference list for friends and nicknames here.) I wonder if it’s because I told her a few weeks ago that I hated organizing meetings with friends, and she took that back and held on to it. It’s true though — I really hate it when I feel like the only one initiating stuff. And to be fair, most of the time, if you’re the only one initiating, it’s probably an unbalanced relationship (friendships included because they’re also a form of relationship). But then, I realized maybe there really are some people out there who want to hang out with you but it just hasn’t gotten into their heads that they can ask you out. And maybe it takes extra special amounts of energy for them to initiate.

But anyway, am glad she initiated :) And she actually shared about her life unprompted. Ok, almost unprompted. I basically asked if she had updates so…ok, maybe it wasn’t unprompted. But whatever.

Ended up with me talking a lot though. I’ve realized I share about my life in hopes that people feel comfortable sharing about their own lives. Because, sometimes you just don’t know what to ask them. They gotta volunteer the information themselves. But time and time again I’ve seen that this doesn’t work with Gia. Nothing new there.

Y’know how when you talk about topic ABC with friend X and usually they’ll carry on the conversation with maybe topic ABD that’s somewhat related, and the conversation continues?

Yeah, this rarely works with Gia. Usually you talk about ABC, and she acknowledges or comments on it, and then silence.

That’s it.


But okay, baby steps.

Maybe I gotta ask her point blank to share about her life because I wanna know what’s happening in it.

To be fair though, Jessie rarely shares about her life either. And sometimes it pisses the hell out of me. But I’ve talked to her about it and it’s getting better. Though she really does piss me off sometimes. But we got each other’s backs 100%.

Why do I make friends with people like this…

Ok, but they are amazing people and honestly, it’s good to hang out with different people to kind of even out your own personality. Hanging out with Gia has definitely made me (at least try to) listen better or be more sensitive. I still suck at it because I’m practical as heck and hate wasting time on things that are illogical, but turns out most people have emotions and aren’t logical.

Says the one who was scared of the doctor touching her neck. Lol.

Moving on. I met a new language exchange partner in person! It was pretty cool. The good thing about this is that she’s seen right from the start how shitty my Spanish is, so she’s not gonna expect anything else. And she seems happy to help, so that’s awesome. More motivation to continue studying.

Had an awkward amount of time to kill after the meeting (about 2+ hours), and I went to a library. And honestly I felt really uncomfortable at first. The bloody chairs are partially to blame here — they’re the kind of chairs with backing that only reaches about halfway up your back, so you can’t sit in them comfortably ._. Trash. But the other reason why I felt uncomfortable was because I wasn’t sure what to read. I was in a library without a clear idea of what book I wanted to read, and that felt weird. Maybe it’s some form of mild social anxiety, but I hate being in a place where I need to “browse aimlessly”. Which is probably why I don’t like shopping for clothes either. It’s either I have something specific in mind which somehow I can never find in a store, or I don’t know what I’m looking for and therefore will end up not picking anything. Same with books in libraries.

I just picked a magazine, which was okay. But anyway, what I really wanted to say is that after a while, it was quite nice to just be there in a chill environment and read. Next time I’ll find/bring a good book I actually want to read, and go chill in the library after my Spanish meetups. It’s a great way to spend some time learning about things that are outside the scope of what you’d usually spend time on. i.e. you can spend 2h reading about any random topic, and broaden your horizons that way.

After reading, I had to eat alone. And god, I hate eating alone. Though I picked a place where it seemed quite a few people were eating alone, and it didn’t fee so bad. :)

Picked a bunch of caterpillars from the garden. Nostalgic indeed (I used to keep caterpillars once in a while as a kid.)

Life is pretty good. I’m glad. Though still no idea what to do with life.



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