The completely unfiltered diary of a 24-year-old (week 62)

I tried checking out the job market, and quickly realized I still have no idea what to put into the search box. I just don’t know enough about what the options out there are.

Do chocolate taste testers type “chocolate taste tester” into Linkedin when they’re looking for jobs? Hm.

Speaking of chocolate. Reese’s PB cups have been on sale for a dollar and that’s been devastatingly detrimental to my health.

.

Hung out with Kay and her man. Aw. She’s just awesome. Things are a little awkward with her boyfriend (as in, between me and him, not when she’s with him lol — that would be bad.) But, we can carry decent conversation so maybe that’s about all you can expect from a friend’s S/O.

We went to the beach and it was surprisingly draining. The sun really sucks the energy from you. It was a fun hangout, but I did spend the rest of the day doing absolutely nothing and blobbing about. It was nice. I now understand the draw of massages and spa days.

Nowadays after work, I totally feel like lying down with some cucumber slices over my eyes.

Only, I’m too lazy to make cucumber slices. Plus, what a waste of food.

.

I was really bored and made an online ad renting myself out to do nothing, just like that Japanese guy. Most likely, no one’s gonna see that ad. But, if someone does respond, could be interesting.

Some old friends reached out. I haven’t talked to them in over a year. I remember intentionally trying to distance myself from one of them before, because her negativity was draining, but now I think I’m steadily happy enough to take that on.

Would be nice to catch up.

Speaking of old friends, Lyza reached out to tell me her pet bird is badly ill. Sigh. Poor thing (both the bird and her). Vet bills are astronomically expensive.

I downloaded the dating app again. And the second I un-paused it and the profiles showed up, an extremely strong wave of “oh yeah, that was why I deleted this shit” swept over me.

Well.

Well.

Maybe I’ll hang in there for a bit. Try to at least meet a few people. This really is a cycle of me reaching desperate states of loneliness and wanting to meet new people, and determining that this is one of the ways to do it.

Goddamnit why do I have to be an extrovert. An awkward, anxious extrovert who thrives on social interaction.

Ok, no. It’s fine. Suck it up.

Fuck I’m bored.

But boredom doesn’t kill you (usually) and there’s much worse shit that could be happening. Just gotta. Be proactive. Get out there and keep trying to meet people.

I’ve kinda reached this mindset where y’know, even if you completely mess up a relationship with someone (as in, make a complete fool of yourself, or maybe you don’t click with the person, harmless things like that. Don’t go round intentionally hurting people) it’s okay. There are more people out there and you develop as a person through failing at social interactions. And as you practice, you’ll get better, and eventually form better connections with people.

Okay, end of preaching.

I recently reached out to a new language exchange buddy. For Chinese. Sometimes I feel like my media consumption is too America-centric, or too UK-centric. Which is crazy since I don’t even live in those places. So, Chinese media would definitely provide a different perspective on things. Spanish too, probably.

Alright. Time to wrap this up, go listen to an audiobook or podcast, and get to bed.

xo,

Amber

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