The completely unfiltered diary of a 24-year-old (week 61)

Date went okay, I think? I have no idea. I’d like to see him again, but I’m only about 60% sure that he’s not just a friend in my head. Ok, maybe 70%. That’s probably good enough.

I probably need to stop friendzoning everyone.

Also, who knows, maybe he totally wasn’t feeling it. I’m also half tempted to get back on the app and just meet a bunch of random people, because I’m so bored and really need to talk to people. Probably not a good set-up for impressing anyone, but hell, whatever.

Anyway. I’ve decided to hit the gym solo tomorrow! Hope it’s gonna be fun (actually I’m pretty sure it will be.) Plus, I saw a pretty cute guy there when we went last week, so.

(◕‿◕) *creepy smile*

Meeting Cher too. Haven’t seen her in a while, so that’s nice.

Oh and. I just completed a pretty dreadful gig. It was what I believe was a thinly veiled autobiography of a guy who hit on a random hot girl, who then whined about women being manipulative because she used her looks to seduce him and then used him with no intention of hooking up. Btw, this guy has a wife. And he blatantly talks about “being nice to her so I could potentially have sex with her”.

Gosh, it was dreadful. Lol.

These weeks are flying by. And the weekends too. They’re so short.

I regret buying three packs of sweets. They were on sale and I figured, hell, I’d eat them eventually, might as well stock up.

No. No girl. You know you have no self control.

Goddammit I don’t wanna get diabetes.

Anyway.

Bouldering was pretty fun! Ah, I’m motivated to get stronger again, because by the end of the session I was just too weak to do stuff I know I should’ve been able to do. There were moments when I felt a bit self-conscious, but it really wasn’t that bad. I think the mask helps (thanks, COVID). Makes me feel more anonymous.

Meeting with Cher was not bad. Eh, she seems pretty stressed. And just overly serious in general. Probably still working through some stuff in her life. Maybe next time I’ll bring her for drinks to get her to loosen up. :)

An old “colleague” reached out via Linkedin. Turns out they want to write up a conference paper based on some work I’d done during a brief stint at their lab. Damn.

It’s really nice that they even reached out. This was ages ago. They could’ve gone ahead without involving me and there probably would’ve been nothing I could do anyway (I probably wouldn’t even know).

Feels like a lifetime ago. It was definitely a period of growth. Well, kind of. It was out of my comfort zone for sure, being somewhere (overseas) with very few friends. I’d eaten alone in some random corner of the school campus, and that felt absolutely horrific. I’d eaten alone many times on that campus. I’d tried extremely awkwardly to make new friends. Man.

Sometimes I look back and see so many missed opportunities. Potential friendships/fun I’d missed because I was just too anxious. But also, I definitely tried. And I wouldn’t be where I am now (still insecure lol, but hopefully a tiny bit less, and also more open minded) if I hadn’t gone through that.

It was such a different life compared to what’s happening now. Another reminder that not all that long ago, before COVID, before working, life was different. And yeah, life can always be different. I chose to be where I am, and I can choose to be on a different path. (A privilege, yeah.)

Also, hearing from this old colleague, my first thought is really just — damn, I hope he’s doing well. Flourishing, lol. I really hope he’s doing well, above and beyond whatever transient things might be going on.

But at the same time, I have zero clue what’s going on in his life. So, gotta be sensitive and not just assume that things are all rosy and dandy (as I always somehow tend to assume… Like when I see people in a certain job and naively assume they purposely chose that career path because somehow, I just believe things work out for people… Or like when my mentor told me he came to this country and I just assumed that’s what he’d wanted, though in hindsight — and only after my Mom mentioned this did I realize she could be right — perhaps it’s was entirely due to circumstances and he’d never wanted to relocate.)

Anyway.

A notification just came up on my phone telling me my order of KWEB just went through (and I regret not buying it a week ago. But it’s ok, best to wait for a solid bounce off the support line yeah.) Hopefully it’s KWEB’s time to shine soon. :’)

Finally done with some side gigs!

Mom bought some sushi from the Japanese supermarket. I never knew siracha sushi existed. What an abomination. (Ok, it wasn’t actually bad. Just unexpected and honestly pretty unnecessary. Lol.)

Tomorrow’s the day to speak with my manager about a raise. Again. Eaurgh. Not sure if that’s a real word. Eurgh? I’d go with urgh, but it isn’t quite dramatic enough.

xo,

Amber

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Amberblazexx

Amberblazexx

probably needs a better avatar

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