The completely unfiltered diary of a 23-year-old girl (week 7)
So my birthday was sometime this past week, and to be honest I was a little sad when at 12 midnight no one messaged. But then the first message came in at 12.01am LOL and I felt very loved :’)
I think I’ve been so busy maybe even trying to feel sad that I haven’t been grateful for friends.
But yeah, when the actual day came, my friends came over to celebrate with me and I was so! touched! Oh man. I’m so grateful for friends. Life is tough. Everyone is going through difficulties. But we still stick together and care for one another and gosh this is so cheesy but yes. And now I feel really bad for all the times I’ve thought about some of these friends and though damn, do I really want to continue hanging out with them? Just because I sometimes find them boring. Oh god I’m such a bitch.
They are bloody amazing people.
I am so lucky to have them in my life. Freaking hell.
Just want to note down this feeling of just. Feeling loved :’) I really am. so. grateful. that even though people are going through their own difficulties. they still make time for me.
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So it’s Wednesday now, and it felt like I wrote that ^ ages ago. Things are pretty good though. Met a friend for a short while today. She’s a bit of a hermit so it was good to see her. And she has some new romantic beginnings LOL it’s pretty cute. Will dig more out of her next time ;)
Was feeling extremely ‘meh’ yesterday and psyched myself up to take the initiative to invite friends out to hang. Tbh I hate doing it because I always feel like I’m the one inviting people out. Ugh. This is a sign of not having friends LOL. But oh well, what can I do. Maybe if I invite them out enough they’ll eventually start asking me out and I won’t have to keep initiating.
Ok fine, it’s not really true that I always have to initiate. Maybe it’s just memory bias. Like when you already have a trash memory and on top of that, there’s a tendency to remember stuff when it’s significant to you. Like when you initiate and you feel insecure so you remember it. But anyway yes, managed to get some friends together to go hang out over the weekend! Gonna go climbing and I’m so excited for that.
Also gonna be meeting some friends for dinner over the weekend so that’s fun too. I really can’t wait to see those guys. (I say guys but actually they’re all girls lol)
I think maybe I really just need to be around people more. And now that I’m out of the school system, where you meet people everyday, I’m just super lonely. Plus it’s work from home so you don’t see your colleagues either. Though from what I’m gathering, there’s probably tension between colleagues so maybe it’ll be too much to expect a real friendship with them.
Looking forward to switching jobs though! Things are just starting to get kinda interesting at my current government job, but even so, I can’t wait to get outta here lol. Even though it’s not like my next job is gonna be really exciting. But I guess I’ll take it more seriously, since it’s more permanent.
I think I just get bored of things quite easily. Kind of a thought that’s going off on a tangent (though then again, these entries are always all over the place). Tangent cos I’m not bored of my current job. Haven’t done enough of it to be bored. But yeah I spent about an hour this evening on the ukulele and it was really fun. But I do wonder if it’ll continue to be fun in future. Maybe!
Kay so maybe it’s more of I get bored of things easily when I find out that I actually don’t enjoy them. Which is natural. But yes, I love trying new things.
So all’s good.
I’m trying to envision what future me would be like. What would it be like to really work? Gotta be real and expect to not exactly 100% love my job. A solid 6/10 might be pretty good. Maybe a 7. I’d love to get a dog. But those are a huge responsibility. Maybe a bunny. But a dog would be so awesome. Maybe when I’ve settled down more. Maybe I’ll have a boyfriend. Eventually. At least once. LOL. And with the money from my job I’d love to be able to go try lots of random new things. Go travel, yes, but even without that (since you can’t take leave to go travel all the time, and even if you work remote, that’s not reaaally a holiday), even if you don’t travel you can always take classes and learn new things right where you are. Hang out with friends. Find new friends through new hobbies. Take breaks between jobs to go travel.
Man. That would be pretty awesome, actually.
Yeah. Work and money are enablers. Maybe work in itself might not be the most enjoyable, but I really don’t think it’ll be that bad (famous last words), and having money to do things is pretty awesome.
:)
Wow. I think I really just managed to psyche myself up about life there.
P o s i t i v i t y ! ! !
xo,
Amber
